If you haven’t questioned your worth, value, or general existence, are you even an adult?
Let me start out by saying: 2013 Ally would be DAMN proud, maybe even shocked, to see where 2023 Ally is today. No, this isn’t a toot-my-own-horn post, but I do think it’s a topic that needs to be discussed.
Imposter syndrome. If you haven’t heard of it, I would almost guarantee you’ve felt it and just didn’t know it had a title. Imposter syndrome is that annoying, creeping voice in the back of your consciousness that tells you you’re not.
You’re not talented enough to start a photography side hustle.
You’re not experienced enough to apply for that job.
You’re not in their league, don’t swipe right on their Tinder profile.
You’re not a good mom because you put your kids in front of the TV with snacks to get just 5 minutes of peace.
You’re not good at your job because you got passed up for that promotion you were hoping for.
Not, not, not. I am guilty of listening to this voice on the reg. This is imposter syndrome: you feel like a fraud, like no matter what you accomplish or achieve, internally, you feel like a failure. You doubt yourself and your abilities, and it causes anxiety that prevents you from reaching your true potential.
This isn’t a new term. Two psychologists, Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes, coined and named the phenomenon in 1978.
Amal Saymeh explains more about the syndrome in their article on BetterUp titled What is imposter syndrome? Learn what it is and 10 ways to cope: “The imposter phenomenon, on the other hand, stems from a sense of inadequacy in the environment despite objectively being competent. It is notable in that it isn’t about assessing the situation but about assessing themselves. They feel more inadequate than others facing the same complex situation, such that they don’t belong there at all.”
The aspect of imposter syndrome that has been eating away at me the most lately is in my career. By day, I’m a digital marketing professional for a technology company. I love what I do, I love my team, I love my manager. I am able to work from home, which has given me the flexibility to raise my family and be able to be a badass marketing professional and mom at the same time. But due to some changes and leadership shifts in the company, I’ve been stuck in a bit of a career development rut for over a year now. I was heading in the direction of a future in one role, and then with the company’s shifts, was told that that role is no longer an option for me.
This has left me feeling stuck, frustrated, and undervalued. I question my worth and experience every single day. Have I not been promoted because I’m not good at my job? (No). Am I on the chopping block, and that’s why I can’t get straight answers as to what my future at the company looks like? (No). Am I being ghosted on getting answers because they don’t think I’m valuable to the company? (I’d like to think not, and I certainly hope not). I think this is a case of imposter syndrome at its peak.
The truth is, I’m on the precipice of the next stage of my career, and it’s left me feeling edgy. I always feel this way when I’m on the verge of a new chapter of my life: itching to jump in, get started, and get settled. The reality is that I need to be patient (not my strongest virtue). I need to stop letting that annoying voice have such an influence over me, my mental health, and my self-worth (easier said than done).
If you are or have felt imposter syndrome in any area of your life, you’re not alone. What I can say is, that your best is almost always enough (another thing that’s easier said than done, especially for type-A girlies like myself). Being on the precipice of change is something that is equal parts anxious and exciting for me. It’s a feeling of electricity throughout my body, leaving me unable to sit still, waiting for whatever comes next (this could also be undiagnosed ADD, but it feels different than my normal “look, squirrel!” behavior).
I can only hope that the change that is coming is a positive change and that 2033 Ally will look back on 2023 Ally fondly and acknowledge that this time of transition was worthwhile.
Works cited:
Saymeh, Amal. “What Is Imposter Syndrome? Learn What It Is and 10 Ways to Cope.” BetterUp, 22 Feb. 2023, www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-imposter-syndrome-and-how-to-avoid-it#:~:text=Imposter%20syndrome%20is%20the%20condition,phony%22%20and%20doubting%20their%20abilities.